Los Alamos New Mexico

Jared and I didn't always live in Salt Lake.  When we were first married we put everything in a Uhaul and drove to Los Alamos New Mexico.  Jared had grown up there.  We had met there.  And each of my children were born in a tiny little hospital next to the life science division lab that I used to work in.

We left Los Alamos when Jared's got a new job.  I was excited to leave.  I wanted to have a green lawn and I wanted to be near my mom.  But I have wanted to go back strongly ever since Jared died.  Jared was raised in Los Alamos.  There is not a street or a trail that he didn't know.  He wrote a song about the place and hosted Los Alamos reunions.  My kids don't remember much about it.  Sam has some spotty memories about going to parks with Grandma and hiking with Dad.  But, for Eden, Los Alamos is all new.

  Funny how physical spaces are linked to memories.  I tell my kids stories that aren't stories constantly.  "See that intersection?  Your dad I walked home from a church event and stopped there to talk."  "Your Dad and I ate pizza here"  None of these are earth shaking.  None of these even really matter.  But they do.  Each little piece is like a testament that Jared lived.  He was alive and ate pizza and walked around and loved his kids.

We are staying at our friends house.  They are off traveling and were kind enough to let us use their stunning home.  It is filled with scriptures and a telescope and bunnies and crafts.  The longer I stay here the more I like the people who lived here.  I guess Los Alamos feels like that to me for Jared.  If there is a place that is him--it would be here.  And I want my kids to be here.